HIDDEN HEARTBEATS EP 3
You’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, the familiar knot of anxiety tightening in your chest. It’s late, but your mind won’t let you rest. You replay the conversation you had with your partner earlier, dissecting every word, every pause. Did they really mean it when they said they loved you? Or were they just saying that because they felt obligated?
This is a routine for you. You’re caught in a loop, questioning everything, doubting your worth. It started subtly—a lingering thought here, a moment of hesitation there—but over time, it grew. Now, it’s a constant companion. You’re not sure when it took root, but it feels like it’s always been there, this gnawing insecurity that you’re not enough. Not smart enough, not attractive enough, not good enough to be loved.
You think back to your previous relationships—how they ended, the pain, the heartbreak. Each one left a scar, and with each scar, your self-worth took another hit. Maybe it was that time your ex criticized your appearance, and you believed them. Or when they left you without warning, confirming your worst fear that you weren’t worth sticking around for. Now, you’re afraid to let your guard down, to truly believe that someone could love you for who you are. So, you cling to your partner, seeking constant reassurance, hoping that if you hold on tight enough, they won’t leave you too.
But deep down, you know this isn’t healthy. The constant need for validation is wearing you down, and it’s taking a toll on your relationship. You find yourself asking your partner, “Do you still love me?” multiple times a day, even though they’ve given you no reason to doubt them. But no matter how often they say “yes,” it’s never enough. You can’t silence the voice in your head that insists they’re just being kind, that they’re eventually going to realize you’re not worth it.
Your partner is patient, but you see the frustration in their eyes when you ask, for the third time today, if they really love you. You see them take a deep breath before responding, and it breaks your heart because you know they’re trying their best to be supportive, but you also know you’re exhausting them. You feel guilty, knowing that your insecurities are pushing them away, yet you can’t seem to stop.
You try to silence the negative thoughts, to push them down and hide them away, but they always find a way back. They whisper in your ear, telling you that you’re a burden, that your partner deserves someone better, someone less broken. It’s in the way you second-guess yourself in every interaction—wondering if you’re talking too much, if you’re being too needy, if you’re ruining everything. You start to believe these whispers. You start to believe that maybe, just maybe, your partner would be better off without you.
So, you begin to pull back, distancing yourself in an attempt to protect them from the mess you think you are. You stop sharing your thoughts and feelings, afraid of being too much. You tell yourself it’s better this way, that by keeping your struggles to yourself, you’re sparing your partner the burden. But in doing so, you’re slowly losing yourself, and your relationship is crumbling. The connection you once cherished starts to feel fragile, like it could shatter with the slightest misstep.
You’re trapped in a cycle of self-sabotage, and you don’t know how to break free. Every time your partner asks if something is wrong, you force a smile and say, “I’m fine,” even though you’re anything but. You’ve convinced yourself that your low self-worth is the reason your relationship is falling apart, and you’re terrified that if you admit how you really feel, it will only make things worse.
But deep down, you know that something has to change. You start to realize that your relationship isn’t the only thing at stake. Your sense of self, your identity, is on the line too. You remember a time when you felt confident, when you didn’t constantly question your value. You want to get back to that place, but you’re not sure how.
It’s time to make a choice. Will you continue to let your insecurities control your life, or will you take the first step towards healing? The answer isn’t easy, and the path ahead is uncertain, but you know that you deserve more than this.
Here’s what you need to understand: you deserve to be loved, not just by your partner, but by yourself. Think about how much energy you spend seeking validation from others—what if you redirected that energy towards validating yourself? It’s going to take time, and it’s going to take work, but you’re ready to start the journey. You’re ready to break free from the chains of self-doubt and step into a future where you can truly thrive.
Start by acknowledging your feelings instead of burying them. It’s okay to feel insecure; it’s okay to feel scared. But don’t let those feelings define you. Speak them out loud—whether it’s to a therapist, a trusted friend, or even to yourself in the mirror. Own your fears, but don’t let them own you.
Next, begin to challenge the negative thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” pause and ask yourself, “Where’s the evidence for that?” More often than not, you’ll find that these thoughts are based on assumptions, not facts. Replace them with affirmations of your worth—statements that acknowledge your strengths, your resilience, and the unique qualities you bring to your relationship.
Remember to communicate with your partner. Let them know what you’re going through, not as a way of seeking reassurance, but as a way of being honest about your struggles. Trust that they want to support you, and give them the opportunity to do so. This openness can strengthen your bond and remind you that you’re in this together.
Finally, make self-care a priority. Whether it’s through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or simply taking time for yourself, find ways to nurture your mind and body. The more you care for yourself, the more you’ll start to see that you’re deserving of love and respect—not just from others, but from yourself.
As you close your eyes, you make a promise to yourself. A promise to be kinder, to be patient, to forgive yourself for your mistakes. You vow to seek help, to surround yourself with people who uplift you, and to practice self-care every day. This isn’t the end of your story—it’s just the beginning.
And as you drift off to sleep, for the first time in a long time, you feel a sense of hope. You’re not alone in this journey, and you don’t have to face it all at once. Step by step, day by day, you will rebuild your self-worth. And as you do, you’ll find that not only will your relationship improve, but so will your relationship with yourself.
If you haven’t understood anything in this article, understand this: You are enough. You always have been. It’s time to start believing it.